DrMike's SuperFrankenBlog

We Might Be Moving

2006-11-17T10:22:00.000-06:00

The SuperFrankenBlog is considering moving to a new space, aptly titled the SuperFrankenSpace, courtesy of MySpace.

But why MySpace, you ask? Isn't it just full of pervs and weirdos?

And my answer is yes. Yes it is.

Until I decide differently, check us on our new home:
http://blog.myspace.com/superfrankenspace

When Nature Attacks

2006-11-15T10:10:00.000-06:00

Superfrankenfriend Coach Joe regularly tells us runners that "the wind is our friend".

Well, if that's the case, then my "friend" has done me wrong. Last night, my "friend" huffed and it puffed and it blew my fence down. Or at least a section of it.

So, I currently have a gaping hole in my privacy fence in my back yard. Pretty sure the homeowners association isn't going to look on that very fondly. The question is, how much do I want to spend on repairs (or more accurately, a new fence since the old one was a cheap piece of crap to start with)? I'm considering moving in the spring, and I'm pretty sure a privacy fence doesn't translate into higher home resale all that highly. But there is the possibility I won't move. Stay tuned.

Darned wind. Booooo.

What Does This Say About Me?

2006-11-14T09:44:00.000-06:00

Apparently, my watch stopped four days ago. I didn't notice till this morning. Weird?

Really, I'm curious. What does this say about me???

The History Of TexMex

2006-11-09T09:41:00.000-06:00

Fascinating article from this month's D Magazine:

http://www.dmagazine.com//article.asp?articleid=1153

It's the history and evolution of one of our favorite cuisines. And it evolved right here in our own back yard, with many of the principals and their descendants and institutions still involved to this day.

The synopsis sentence:

But the Anglo preference for high-dollar meat demanded that protein-poor Mexican food be beefed up. The result — though no one recognized it at the time — was a whole new cuisine. Much later, it was dubbed “Tex-Mex".

Cool.

A New Low: Mocked By A Duck

2006-11-07T21:18:00.000-06:00

So Saturday morning, I was out at White Rock Lake doing what I do every Saturday morning - going for the weekly long run. And I noticed a larger-than-normal presence of ducks at the lake. I suppose they were having some sort of convention or something.

Anyway, a short while later, as the trail around White Rock nears the water, I look over to my side and see a duck racing me, swimming my pace parallel to me. Smartass.

But apparently, that wasn't mockery enough. At that point, my nemisis raised up out of the water and started wing flapping just enough to stay above the surface of the water. And here's the kicker. He started churning his little webbed feet across the surface of the water, like he was running. Just like me, but maybe faster. For about 10 yards.

Is there ANY doubt the duck was mocking me???

If it happens again, I'm gonna have to retaliate and start talking about the duck's mom...

I suppose this is somehow retribution from the animal kingdom at White Rock for all the squirrels I've chased. Furry little rats.

NPH is gay???

2006-11-06T08:34:00.000-06:00

Wow, didn't see this one coming...

http://www.cnn.com/2006/SHOWBIZ/11/04/doogie.ap/index.html

Doesn't this really screw up the premise that he's a horndog in roles like "Harold and Kumar" and "How I Met Your Mother"? I really don't know what I'm feeling right now, other than "Wow"...

Girls Are Germ-yy

2006-11-05T19:32:00.000-06:00

Okay, it is conventional wisdom that girls have cooties. I don't think anyone disputes that.

But I didn't realize they were so darn germy, too. What do I mean, you ask?

As I was going to bed last night, I was starting to feel the beginning of either a cold or the flu. Today (Sunday) I feel like there's something inside of my head trying to get out (other than mucus). And I started wondering where I could've picked up such a bug. Now, I did spend many hours out in the cold on Saturday, but science tells us you can't catch a cold from being cold. Instead, it's a virus, passed from person to person through contact.

But why would I assume a girl gave it to me? Simple. I don't allow dudes into my personal space; I don't like them like that.

So there you have it. A scientific proof that girls are germy.

Caveman Ad

2006-11-02T10:36:00.000-06:00

There's a new Geico "Caveman" Ad hitting the airwaves. I saw it at the gym this morning while treadmilling and giggled...

http://www.geico.com/video/topic_h.htm

Moral Dilemma

2006-10-29T08:50:00.000-06:00

Okay, first - I think what disturbs me about this is THAT I'M DISTURBED ABOUT THIS...

I went to Target this morning. They open on Sundays at 8am, and I was there about 8:15. Partly because I hate people, and going right after opening or right before closing is the best way to go.

So, as you might imagine, I arrive to a semi-empty parking lot. As I'm walking to the entrance, I look down and see a $20 bill laying in the parking lot. No one else around - no possible previous owner...

Now, wouldn't a NORMAL person be happy about finding a $20? Well, not me. Apparently I'm not a normal person. I am now burdened with trying to figure out what the right thing to do with it is. Clearly "lost and found" isn't a consideration, although it's a funny image to imagine different denominations of cash all together side-by-side in a police lineup and someone pointing to the $20 bill and saying, "Yep, that's the one"...

Instead, I spent my shopping trip mourning the loss for it's previous owner. Even to the point of kinda eyeing everyone else in the store and thinking did the $20 belong to them? And would they be able to afford what they came to Target for without the $20?

Clearly, I cannot keep the $20. Predictably, it will likely go to The Leukemia And Lymphoma Society, unless a better and equally noble use comes along.

And no, don't email me saying YOU lost it, unless you can give me the serial number. So there, smartypants.

Michael J Fox and Katie Couric

2006-10-27T08:05:00.000-05:00

Did anyone see the Katie Couric interview yesterday (10/26) with Michael J Fox?

Now, granted - by electing to put himself in the public eye, Fox succepts himself to the possibility of criticism. However, my impression is this. He is not campaigning on behalf of one side of the political eisle, just campaigning for anyone who will support stem-cell research.

On the other hand, Rush Limbaugh interpreted it as a political stance and reacted in a political way, with a stance that sounded like an attack ad - that Fox was faking his Parkinson's tremors to generate sympathy for the Democrats...

This is why I don't like politics. OR Rush, for that matter. Things like that just paint him as a bad person. Period.

From a wisdom standpoint, I believe you better be on strong ground (virtual infallibility) before you challenge someone's illness or someone's religion...

When Insults Had Virtue

2006-10-26T08:00:00.000-05:00

A former Match.com interest emailed me the following funnies...

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill

"A modest little person, with much to be modest about." - Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." - Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?" - Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas

"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." - Abraham Lincoln

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play, bring a friend... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second....if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.

"I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb

"He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating

"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr

"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure" - Jack E. Leonard

"He has the attention span of a lightning bolt." - Robert Redford

"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge." - Thomas Brackett Reed

"He inherited good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them." - James Reston (about Richard Nixon)

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." -Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts...for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder

Crazy Internet Clip

2006-10-25T08:02:00.000-05:00

I saw this on the CBS Early Show one morning while I was in Chicago. The folks at Dove (the soap folks, not the chocolate folks) were the same folks behind last year's "Real Women, Real Curves" campaign, which generated buzz by shooting ensemble pics of real women with real curves in their undies and putting it on billboards.

The new internet-only ad is a crazy timelapse video of a makeover. It's dang incredible.

I don't know what the message is, because frankly, I'm not that smart or not that interested in the message. But the transformation from start to finish is remarkable. It makes boys wonder why girls ever STOP wearing makeup...

I know. I'm probably going to hell for that last line.

Check out the video:
http://www.campaignforrealbeauty.com/

Heroes

2006-10-25T06:11:00.000-05:00

Mike's Running Story

2006-10-24T21:03:00.000-05:00

I don't know what I have here. My friends with TeamInTraining are writing bios to share with our new runners to introduce themselves as a "get to know you". I sat down to do the same thing, but it became something else. It became tips for a new runner. It became how I got involved with TeamInTraining. It became a record of my experiences that I could send to people that have supported my running. And it became very long. And honestly, now that I've written it and come back to rewrite the beginning, I still don't know what it is and who it's for. In the end, it may just be for me. But I hope it has something useful or entertaining for someone else…

I started running for about the stupidest reason in the world. A pretty girl asked me to. At work, my company, Buck Consultants, co-sponsors a local 5K every year, and as a perq our employees get free entry. Well, after working at Buck a couple of years, peer pressure eventually caught up to me and I stopped HATING the idea of running. Up to that point in my life, if you would've ranked my top 120,000 favorite fitness activities, running wouldn't have been there. But then there was this girl - Joanne, a co-worker at Buck. We weren't anything more than friends, but in a "borderline" decision making process (run or don't run), it doesn't hurt to have a pretty girl lobbying you...

So I started training. Buck buddy MikeR was a soccer player and in pretty good shape, and he said his coaches always said "train at half the distance for your event". So for a 5K (3.1 miles), I should be able to run at least a mile and a half, and then the rest will sort itself out. Now, some of you may smell an "ill-fated" effort coming up. And well, you should...

TIP #1 FOR NEW RUNNERS: If you want advice about soccer, ask a soccer player. But if you want advice about running, there are probably better authorities...

Well, I made it thru that 5K without my heart exploding, but I didn't enjoy it a whole lot (maybe training at a longer distance would've helped). Compounding the misery were my shoes. I thought tennis shoes were tennis shoes. I didn't know there were different "foot types" and this and that. I finished that first 5K with blisters the size of half-dollars on the instep of each foot.

TIP #2 FOR NEW RUNNERS: Get good running shoes. Go to a running store where they will look at your feet, look at your current shoes, will watch you walk or run to see things in your stride, and then will recommend a shoe for your foot type. Don't just think because you saw some runners at a race wearing some New Balance shoes that you can head to the mall and pick up any old New Balance shoes. Believe it or not, the running stores carry DIFFERENT New Balance/Asics/Brooks/Nike/Whatever running shoes than the mass retailers...

So, after that, I did some 5Ks and 10Ks with progressively better results. I even signed up for a running class with local running store RunOn. A friend asked me why I joined a running class - 1. step with the left, 2. step with the right, 3. repeat rapidly.... that simple right?

TIP #3 FOR NEW RUNNERS: Many of the things I liked about that RunOn class are the same things I like about TNT now. The big one? Group training. It's kinda nice having running buddies and having some accountability. And both RunOn and TNT also provide coaching advice - what do you eat before a run, how warm do I dress on a cool day, am I running too fast or too slow, etc... Much more to it than "left, right, repeat rapidly"...

Now, for a little backstory, I've been at my current job for over 11 years. Buck Consultants was my first job out of college. I called them asking if they had any positions open on a Monday afternoon right before wrapping up my MS degree in Statistics. They interviewed me on the phone Monday night, flew me from the University of Arkansas down here to Dallas on that Wednesday for a full day of interviews, and then offered me a job on Friday. It was the only place I interviewed and I've been here every since.

It was in that same period of time that my Dad, R.C., was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. At some point they determined his cancer was especially aggressive and wasn't responding to normal treatment, so he volunteered to undergo experimental medication. Like most folks on chemo, he lost his hair. And I always bounce back and forth between long and short hair, so I decided to go short then too (there are pictures of the two of us with virtually no hair). Anyway, one Sunday afternoon, he had a coughing spell which just would not stop, so Mom took him to the hospital. They admitted him and determined one of the side effects of his treatment was the accumulation of fluid in his lungs. This kept him in the hospital for about four weeks.

Well, I was in Dallas, so I tried to call often and stay up on the situation. I'm an only child, and with no other sibs to be there, it's about the best I could do. I talked to Mom one day and she said they were going to discharge Dad from the hospital the next day - that it looked like they finally had his lungs under control, and that the cancer was in remission. But then late that night, I got a call. Mom had drifted off to sleep in the hospital room about 9:30pm but was woke about 10:30pm to find a room full of doctors and nurses attending to Dad. Something had made him crash. I'm still not even sure what happened to this day - none of us are, but I got that call that night and it scared me. Dad was still alive, but in critical condition. I'm sure I was probably told what "critical condition" was, but I didn't process it... I thought he had only had a setback and would be in the hospital a little longer. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do, but I went back to sleep and got up and went to work the next morning. I got a phone call early the next morning from my old pastor in Little Rock. My Grandma had called him and asked him to call me and ask me to come back to Arkansas. At which point I knew things were worse off than I thought...

I got to Little Rock and Dad was in ICU. It's absolutely shocking to walk into an ICU unit and see a friend or loved one on life support with IVs everywhere and a breathing apparatus. He was sedated and his wrists were bound to keep him from pulling at the IV lines. He never recovered. He layed in this sedated state for about a week before passing away Saturday, March 9th, 1996 at 10:43am. I think the death certificate said 10:58am, but I know otherwise - I was sitting there holding his hand when the heart rate stopped for good. Mom and I had been there all night, and she had gone home to shower, leaving me there alone. While Mom was gone, my cousin Sue showed up, and she was there with me at 10:43. Not too long after, I left Dad's room and met Mom in the hall and told her he was gone.

And that is probably the hardest thing I've gone thru in my life - loss of a loved one. Outside of that, no real trauma. But I believe everything happens for a reason, and you can take something good from almost anything, if you choose to. Want to know something that came out of my Dad passing away? It happened relatively early in my life (I was 24) - no one else I knew had lost a parent, so it made me a bit of an authority on it. Or at least someone with some experience. I had a church friend, Michelle, lose her dad about four years ago, and I was able to talk to her as someone who had been thru a similar experience. She asked me when the pain would go away and when it wouldn't be all she thought about. And I told her, well, it sucks about 1/100 of a percent less every day. It just takes time.

Now, for the intersection of two paths. This started as a running story, right? Something else came out of Dad's passing...

One of the side effects of running a 5K or joining a running class/group is that after filling out your address on registration form, you're officially a runner. At least in the minds of folks who market to runners. You get mail from tons of race organizers. One of the more interesting mailings I got was from TeamInTraining. The way I read this the first time I got it was, okay, go to their signup meeting, pay the registration fee, and they train you for a marathon and then pay for your trip to this marathon. Wow, what a good deal.

And then I kept getting mailings about every three or four months from TeamInTraining. Eventually I heard a little more about it. I was on Match.com one night (because my dating life is a mess) and read about a girl who had fundraised $1500 and run the WhiteRock Marathon. Ohhhhh, I see (I thought). You fundraise for TeamInTraining... this isn't just some kind of bizarre "free ride" to encourage more folks to run marathons. Alright, I've run some 5Ks and 10Ks, and running a marathon always has sounded cool. So I signed up to go to an information meeting in January 2004. Maybe I could raise a good part of the $1500 and then donate some out of my own pocket.

Buck buddy David was not as optimistic. He had the benefit of watching my belly grow larger over a period of years. He had also seen me drop out of the accreditation exam process for actuaries, because, well, I'm lazy and have a short attention span (my words, not his). He guaranteed I would not do a marathon. He even offered to bet $2000 I wouldn't run a marathon. But I didn't take the bet - I didn't want to lose the bet and owe him that much, and I wouldn't feel good about winning the bet and asking him to pay that...

Now, back to Dad. The first thing you should know about him is that "he didn't like to be told not to do something", or that "he couldn't do something". He might have been a bit bullheaded. In fact, before marrying Mom (after a three-week whirlwind courtship), he had been married once before - for a week, to a woman who stated that now that they were married, they were going to do things HER way. That ended quickly. Anyway, I might have inherited some bullheadedness from Dad, because I was pretty sure I was going to do a marathon.

So David and I arrived at a suitable bet. For us, "THE" restaurant locally was Fogo Di Ciao. We bet lunch, with one small stipulation. It was David's belief that given enough time, anyone could finish a marathon - walk a few miles, stop, have breakfast, jog a mile or two... just make a day of it. He wanted to bet I wouldn't RUN a marathon. So how about we establish a goal time? Oprah did her first one in about 4:30 and she's a fatty (actually David used a different word), but I should be able to do better than that, right? So yes, the bet was lunch at Fogo, and I'd have to finish 4:30 or better. Which, in principle, sounded doable - that's about 10:00 minute miles, and I could do 3.1 miles in under 30 mintues...

So I go to the TeamInTraining information meeting. Where I see someone (Claire) from my old RunOn running class. Cool - she's done this before and is back to do it again. Anyway, they distribute the information and I'm thinking, okay cool - maybe I'll do the Rock'n'Roll Marathon in San Diego. The bands every mile sound like a good distraction, and hey, it's San Diego - maybe I can go to the beach and get a surfing lesson in. Then comes the jawdropper. Not all TeamInTraining races have the same fundraising target. Not the $1500 like the Match.com girl. For San Diego, they ask participants to raise $3500 dollars. Panic. Panic. Panic. I start trying to do math in my head - if I got people to donate $20, how many people is that...175? I don't even know that many people. They offer free postage on your first 100 fundraising letters – I started making a list right there at the meeting and could only get about 40 names I'd mail something to. Uh-oh, may be trouble. But then the rah-rah session started, and fickle me an hour later believed, okay $3500 is doable.

Since I knew about the TeamInTraining information meeting several weeks in advance, I started my training early. By the time the first group run rolled around in late-January/early-February 2004, I was ahead of the running schedule they gave us. The first run said 2 miles or 4 miles, but I was already up to around 7 or 8 miles. And some guys said they were going to "loop the lake". For folks with no awareness of White Rock Lake (where TeamInTraining does their group runs in Dallas), "looping the lake" is a common metric we use. One loop around the trails around White Rock Lake is about 9.3 miles. Now, I had lived in Dallas 8 1/2 years at this point and had never been to WhiteRock. I had even lived less than 5 minutes away for my first two years in Dallas. But, in my first visit to WhiteRock, I saw it all. I looped the lake. It felt like an awesome accomplishment, and I felt like an honor student for having done it my first workout.

TIP #4 FOR NEW RUNNERS: Beware how fast you get your mileage up. Most training schedules advance your mileage gradually for a reason.

That was early February. By about mid-March, I was starting to have some soreness in my right foot. Which turned out to be a stress fracture. The sports doc said it was a combination of my flat feet and some "too much too quick" syndrome. Seems my enthusiasm and early successes were coming back to bite me...

Now, imagine my predicament. It's mid-March and I've been diagnosed with a stress fracture, and at the beginning of April, TeamInTraining is going to ask for my final binding commitment that I AM going to SanDiego at the beginning of June and that I AM responsible for raising $3500. So now what? Well, enter Coach Joe.

Coach Joe is our Dallas TeamInTraining running coach. From the very start, I identified him as "the life of the party" and our resident rock-star. Everyone knows Coach Joe. Outside of TeamInTraining, he's a Baptist minister. Anyway, I had no idea what to do about my injury and about recommitting. So, I asked him. I said, Coach Joe, I need some encouragement... what do I do? He told me he had missed weeks of training before, too, but still done his marathon. He said it wasn't one of his fastest marathon times, but that he FINISHED it. He suggested some deep-water running and even offered to loan me his flotation belt. I guess the biggest thing he offered me was reassurance.

So I recommitted. I missed training for the last half of March and the first half of April. Most marathon schedules have long runs on the schedule of about 20 miles or so. By the way I eased back into the training schedule in late April/early May, the longest run I could fit in before SanDiego was a 16 mile training run. One 16 mile run and a few 13 mile runs. But my pace still seemed good. I was still running 10:00 miles, so I was thinking I might still have a shot at winning the bet with David...

The week leading up to SanDiego was fantastic. It's like being a little kid at Christmas and it's all you can think about. We got to SanDiego on Thursday (for a Sunday race) and went to the Expo. Which again, is a lot like Christmas for runners - exhibitors representing every running product (including inexpensive running apparel) known to man and a few that weren't known to man. I'm absolutely sure I looked like a kid at Christmas seeing his first lit-up Christmas tree with eyes as big as saucers.

Coach Joe had been around the block with this one or two times before and offered some valuable advice - not to stay at the Expo all day wandering around, but instead to conserve energy and try to stay off our feet. Funny side story - he recruited me and another participant to accompany him to Tijuana on Saturday morning to go buy prescription drugs at a discount, where for another side story, we saw a donkey painted up like a zebra. So that's what we did Saturday. Then came the Saturday evening pasta party and something that caught me off guard. As we were headed for the ballroom for the dinner, we rounded the corner to find a wall of sound - maybe a hundred TNT volunteers surrounding the entrance to the ballroom cheering for the runners as we came in. I felt like I was standing mid-field at the SuperBowl for a minute and these folks were cheering for me - it was kind of humbling, and I just grinned and looked down as I walked thru.

The cool thing about a TNT pasta party is that they're always inspirational. There is a speaker with a story about either surviving leukemia or lymphoma, or a story about losing a loved one to these diseases. Either way, I always get teary-eyed. I've been fortunate in that at a lot of my TNT events, the emcee for pasta party has been John Bingham, columnist for Runner's World and self-professed slowpoke (his nickname is "The Penguin"). He's a hoot.

Okay, well, with the pasta party done, the only thing left to do was go to bed and try and get some sleep before the 4am wakeup call. Yes, 4am is an unbelievably early wakeup call, but to assemble 20,000 runners in one place, they have to get started early. And think of it like this - 4am SanDiego is like 6am Dallas (hey, you'll try most any trick you can think of to rationalize it).

TIP #5 FOR NEW RUNNERS: Not as much a tip as information - no one sleeps well the night before their first marathon. It's okay. At least lay there and rest...

Well, race morning comes and everything is a blur. We get to the marathon staging area a little after 5am and hang out in the park until around 7:30am. In between, we camped out on the lawn on trash bags and tried to stay warm. Surprisingly, SanDiego is not that warm - I was there a week and it only got above 70 degrees twice. Anyway, we also visited the little blue boxes (porta-potties) several times. I tried to eat a bagel and drink some Gatorade, but I was so excited I really couldn't eat (which is kinda a problem - if you're going to run for several hours, you should typically start out with some fuel in the tank). Oh, and Pastor Coach Joe led a devotional.

TIP #6 FOR NEW RUNNERS: Don't set a time goal for your first marathon. You honestly just don't know what to expect.

Well, I for sure, didn't know what to expect. Remember, the longest run of my life before this was ONE sixteen mile run. And I sure didn't expect what happened to me about Mile 6. It was about that time I was on schedule to take a goo. For non-runners, goo is a generic name for a nutritional product with the texture of honey or molasses that contains carbohydrates that your body metabolizes almost instantly. It comes in a packet slightly larger and slightly less accessible than a McDonald's ketchup packet. So, I was ready for my little energy boost. It's kinda hard to run and tear at a packet at the same time, but I try. No luck. So I try tearing it with my teeth, and part of the packet tears. But apparently not enough for the goo to escape. But I figure it's close enough that a little extra pressure will open up the breach I've already created.

I was probably wrong about that.

Instead, what I got was an explosion of the stickiest substance known to man all over my shirt. Goo on your shirt is not nutritionally useful in any way. And fairly annoying. Especially considering I was now fixing to be sticky for the next 20 miles.

Putting the goo debacle behind me, things seemed to go fairly well. I crossed the half-marathon marker at 2hrs15min - right on pace for my 4:30 marathon. But not long after that, things started slipping away. By about Mile16, I was pooped. I don't think it was coincidence I pooped out at about the same distance as my previous longest run. At which point the next 10 miles became a combination of run a little, walk a lot, run a little, walk a lot. Let me take this opportunity to debunk a few myths right here. Remember my idea that the bands would be a great distraction? Once your race starts heading poorly, there's really no amount of distraction that will help. There are things that will later be pleasant memories (like the 200,000 people out on the course cheering and yelling your name - because you wrote it on your shirt), but once you crash, you're done - you just have to somehow get thru the rest of it. And that's what I did. I crossed the finish line at 4hrs53minutes. That's 2hr15min for the first half and 2hr38min for the second half.

That was a very dejected 2hr38minutes for the second half. I had lost my bet with David. And more importantly, I had built this up and told everyone I was hoping to run 4:30, and now I was going to have to tell them I didn't make it. Oprah beat me. Pretty lonely and disappointing feeling. I think "crushed" would be an accurate description.

But my thoughts of disappointment did wander a bit during those final miles, with the major thing being thinking I was almost done. Future San Diego marathon runners, beware - when you think you're to the finish line, you're not. It's a cruel trick. But the finish is on the Marine base in San Diego. Just after Mile 25, there's a left turn, then you're on the base. Then, you're done, right? That's what all the cheering fans are telling you.

Wretched liars.

Okay, so a few minutes later, there's a big rainbow balloon braid over the road. That must be the finish line, right?

Nope, that's Mile 26. You still have 0.2 to go.

Finally, I cross the finish line. I had missed so much training my body wasn't prepared for what I had just done to it. I can confirm it IS NOT physically impossible for every muscle in your body to cramp AT THE SAME TIME. I hurt so bad. But then the disappointment over my race time disappeared, and I realized I had just run a marathon. And I had just raised the full $3500 for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society, to battle the disease that killed my Dad. I kinda went from dejection to pride and satisfaction.

That first ten minutes after the race was rough. But crossing the finish line was amazing. And then I started having the idea, if I did another one, I bet I could probably do better...

So why not do another one? Or two? Or several?

I got home from SanDiego with instructions from Coach Joe. He told all of us to take a break and not to run. Well, after running becomes part of your lifestyle, you don't know HOW TO NOT RUN. So within a week of getting home, I was back out at the track running. And running pretty fast for me, might I add. SanDiego was in June2004, and in July2004 I ran a Fourth of July 5K in The Colony, and ran it in 24 minutes and 43 seconds - that's about an eight minute per mile pace. By far a personal record. Not long after, the right foot started getting sore again. Another stress fracture.

Every runner has two or three things they absolutely swear by - things they could not run without or do without. And my first and most important one is my podiatrist, DrCrane. I love BodyGlide (which eliminates chaffing), I love Endurox (which is a carb/protein drink that helps eliminate post-workout soreness) and I love DrCrane. After stress fracture #2, I stopped by RunOn to ask about referrals to a podiatrist with experience with runners, and they pointed me to DrCrane. In addition to being a podiatrist, she's also a marathon runner (and a pretty good one) and also is a smartalec (she more recently advised me regarding a different injury that according to the X-ray, nothing's broken, so stop being a wuss and get out and run).

I went to see her the first time and she took X-rays. She looked at the X-rays and then told me all about my feet (without having seen them). Just from looking at the X-ray and describing the area the pain was in, she told me I was fairly flat footed. She told me where I get blisters and calluses. Then, she had me remove my shoes and show her, and calluses were exactly where she described. It was like she was magic or something. She took moulds of my feet and we had custom orthotics made. And to this day (and lots of running later), I have not had another stress fracture.

So, without the stress fractures, what have I been able to do? Well, the marathon scorecard goes something like this:

June 2004 - San Diego, CA Suzuki Rock'N Roll Marathon (4hrs, 53minutes) with TNT

December 2004 - Dallas, TX White Rock Marathon (4hrs, 42minutes)

February 2005 - Austin, TX Freescale Marathon (4hrs, 38minutes) with TNT

March 2005 - Little Rock, AR Little Rock Marathon (4hrs, 50minutes)

June 2005 - Anchorage, AK Mayor's Midnight Sun Marathon (4hrs, 37minutes) with TNT

October 2005 - Corning, NY Wineglass Marathon (4hrs, 31minutes)

November 2005 - New York, NY ING New York City Marathon (4hrs, 46minutes)

December 2005 - Dallas, TX White Rock Marathon (4hrs, 17minutes)

October 2006 – Chicago, IL Chicago Marathon (4hrs, 6minutes)

There are fun stories to go with all these races. And I don't think I could pick a favorite or a least favorite. I think people say the same thing about their kids - you like them all equally, just in different ways. My first WhiteRock was a disappointment in terms of finish time, but I got to run it with one of my best buddies, Paul, and it was his first (culminating a transformation that saw him go from 300lbs down to 200lbs). Austin was a disappointment again with my finish time but it was the first time I had ever been to Austin and I had a blast (and ran the first 18 miles with cute running buddy Anabel), and it was additionally funny in that to fundraise, Buck buddy David mandated I couldn't get a haircut for six months (to secure his donation) and Buck buddy Dustin mandated that a wear a suit to work every day for a month (to secure his donation). Little Rock I signed up for on a whim (because I was already in marathon shape) and it was special because Little Rock is my original hometown - I was running through familiar places. Anchorage was great because most all my running friends with TNT went (and we went whitewater rafting, which might be the funnest thing I've ever done in my life), and I suprisingly ran a great race despite a training layoff. Corning I entered just because I was due for a 20 mile training run that weekend anyway and I was on vacation and looking for somewhere to run, and the city of Corning itself turned out to be the coolest place. The New York City Marathon is the experience of a lifetime - I hadn't had that sense of anticipation since San Diego - and it delivered on excitement. It was a fantastic experience - with 2 million fans cheering - despite the fact I ran a bad race. And then my second White Rock is the first time I ever ran a consistent, level pace for the entire race. And Chicago may well be my favorite race course with all the fantastic neighborhoods, not to mention my fastest marathon to date.

So what's next?

A "return" attempt at an event I targeted last year: Disney's Goofy Challenge. The races at Disney are so popular that they've had to put the half-marathon and full marathon on different days. Which, if you think about it, might give some truly inspired (is that the right word?) runners the opportunity to run BOTH races – the half AND the full. And Disney actually rewards this kind of behavior. For finishing the half, they give you a medal shaped like Donald Duck. For finishing the full, they give you a medal shaped like Mickey Mouse. And they cooked up something special - if you wanted to do BOTH, they give you a Goofy shaped medal.

So that's where I've been and where I'm headed. I had no idea I had all this writing inside me that wanted to get out. I normally don't even like to read anything long enough it requires me to scroll down my computer screen, and hear I am writing something obscenely long. And I feel like I should finish up by saying something wise, because I don't really have an end to my story - it's still being written. But running has changed me in a lot of ways, and I hope any new runner or prospective new runner will feel the same.

With TeamInTraining, the organization recommends you keep your past donors updated about how things are going with running and fundraising. And I'm not sure I've done a good job. But now, I have this long diatribe to share with anyone who asks. And maybe even a few people who didn't ask. I wanted to write something for our new runners to tell them about my experiences. And to write something for the people who've supported me in the past - you folks deserve to hear some of the stories you helped create. That's all for now. Stay tuned.

Rebirth Of The SuperFrankenBlog

2006-10-24T12:03:00.000-05:00

Wwweellllllll, look what we have here... one SORELY neglected spot in cyberspace. Seems as though it could use a little dusting off and updating and it'll be "good as new".

As you might have noticed, the blog went dark about 2Q-2006 at the confluence of three events:
1) I was using it to disseminate information about Mom being sick, and once she left the hospital, "breaking news" became more infrequent...
2) Work became a bit unmanageable. Not like Dec05-Feb06, but still tiresome...
3) Writer's block. You know why people wear T-shirts saying "I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR BLOG"? Because there's really just not that much I have to say that more than five people will find interesting. So I could just call them.

But - I'm back to having a use for the blog now. TeamInTraining stuff. I'm fundraising again and need a place to tell some stories. And as time allows, I'll put up some funnies too, to keep us entertained. And I'll probably also champion an occasional social cause, such as the campaign to "Free Dog The Bounty Hunter".

More to come. Stay tuned!

MikeH

PS - Readers, feel free to post your questions. Not that I'll answer them, but they at least entertain me...

Yesterday's Big Belly Laugh

2006-05-12T09:20:00.000-05:00

It's not often I laugh deeply and hysterically, but I read something yesterday that spurned an episode...

Got the new issue of Esquire in the mail. Which I don't really care for all that much, but you could get a year of it for eight or nine bucks, and I do like magazines, so I did it. Anyway, last month they published a fake article by a fake writer. I don't know if it was for April Fools (since it came out in the April issue) or just a prank or just garden-variety satire. Anyway the article proposed a "fat-tax", where you pay tax based on how over your ideal body weight you are.

When I read it, I thought it was genius. Not realizing of course it was satire, but instead thinking, hmm...

Anyway, I was not alone in recognizing the fallacy. Many letters to the editor poured in, saying "okay, you guys got me". One in particular was hysterical in describing his chagrin.

He was telling all his friends about the fat-tax (as if it were a legitimate proposal), and then when told of the prank, he said "it made me look like a monkey fucking a football"...

Guilty Pleasure

2006-05-12T09:16:00.000-05:00

Just downloaded Nick Lachey's "What's Left Of Me". Should I really be fessing up to that?

MomDate - 05.12

2006-05-12T09:12:00.000-05:00

Today is Mom's second chemo (nice way to spend Mother's Day weekend, eh?)...

Talked to her yesterday and she didn't seem nervous at all. But she did go to the hairdresser yesterday and have her remaining tufts of hair shaved. She claimed her head looks just like mine now, which reminded me it was probably time to shave mine again...

Fun Reads

2006-04-13T13:01:00.000-05:00

Two fun things to read I found on CNN.com today -

1. Per my previous discussion of Exxon, an article titled "Who's To Blame For Higher Gas Prices?". It appears as though Exxon profited on taking oil out of the ground, not from selling me gas, and I believe the article infers there is little relation between the two. Synopsis: SUVs bad.

2. One of my annual favorite surveys - "Best Jobs In America". Timely from the perspective that this whole pension industry may go belly up in the next ten years, leaving me another twenty working years left to do something else. Any suggestions?

Things Which Make Me Crazy - 04.09.06

2006-04-09T17:57:00.000-05:00

Well, it's a slow sports day - no Mavs game, so I'm looking for some Sunday afternoon programming and settle on The Masters. Which is interrupted every ten minutes or so by an ExxonMobil advertisement.

Now, my relationship with ExxonMobil is tenuous, at best. No one has YET successfully explained to me why it's okay to record record profits (yes, grammatically awkward but valid) while at the same time charging record gas prices. Booooo, them.

Which jaunted my memory about a magazine article I read while Mom was in the hospital. This courtesy of the April 2006 Men's Journal:

"Along with other members of the Energy Future Coalition, Woolsey advocates policies such as Illinois Senator Barack Obama's proposed federal standards for flexible-fuel vehicles (FFVs). Obama's plan would require U.S. automakers to make adjustments in car technology so that FFVs will become the industry standard. "It's a simple conversion," [Jim] Woolsey explains, "just a slightly different kind of plastic in the fuel line and a different programmed computer chip." The conversion can be made for a grand total of about $200, which is why Ford, GM, and Chrysler have already produced 5 million flex-fuel cars."

So, for $200 more my car could have burned Ethanol??? Experiencing mild feelings of disgust...

However, I discount my disgust by the realization that Ethanol is still darn hard to find. But help is on the way. Kroger is bringing Ethanol pumps to its gas stations here in Texas beginning this summer, per an article in the Dallas Morning News.

Interesting sidenote #1: Ethanol mileage per gallon reported to be not as good as gasoline, and yet almost as expensive...

Interesting sidenote #2: BuckBuddy Andy's Tahoe will burn Ethanol, and Andy has already vowed to "stick it to OPEC" and drive across town to Ethanol up at the nearest fueling outpost. Amen to that!

Uncomfortable Observance

2006-04-09T17:53:00.000-05:00

I don't know why this is not okay...

The other day I saw a woman going into the ladies room. With a newspaper under her arm. As if to "stay a while".

Now, I've observed the same behavior from men for years and not had an "ewww" factor. But this, for some reason, was "ewww". Stop it.

The MomDate WrapUp

2006-03-28T20:33:00.000-06:00

Well, it appears as though Chapter 1 of Mom's cancer experience is drawing to a close...

We were discharged from the hospital on Friday about 2pm. Mom's still pretty sore (you would be too with about a 10-inch incision on your belly) but is up and around at home. She's still getting back into the swing of things - today was the first day she could bend over enough to put on her own socks. I put socks on her this weekend, and Grandma took over after I headed back to Dallas Sunday night.

Chapter 2 will begin with chemo in a month or so. All of the pathology reports from her surgery came back negative, indicating it appears all cancer was removed. However, the doctors recommend precautionary chemotherapy to increase the survival rate from about 95% to about 98%. But all things considered, I think this is still the best result we could have hoped for...

The Thursday MomDate

2006-03-23T10:35:00.000-06:00

Well, good news continues to flow. DrJohnson came by and told us this morning that we're going home from the hospital either tomorrow (Friday) or late this afternoon (Thursday). Woohoo!

The physical therapists also came by to show Mom how to roll out of bed without assistance. And as I'm currently downstairs at Starbucks, the nurse upstairs is taking out Mom's IV lines and Mom's about to have her first (as she put it) "get wet all over" shower of the week.

So as of right now, things are lookin nice. More updates as events warrant...

Thanks again, y'all!

Newswatch - GM Benefits Buyout

2006-03-23T10:28:00.000-06:00

Hey gang, if you're interested in what it is I really do, keep an eye on what's going on with the General Motors buyout of benefits for their union employees (I calculate the cost of these benefits, discounting for probability and interest). This is a developing situation in many industries in America - the steel industry, airlines and automakers are finding that benefits promised to employees are becoming too expensive.

For example, in the GM plants, the top paid hourly worker makes $27 an hour. But after factoring in the cost of pension benefits and post-retirement medical benefits, this worker costs GM approximately $72 per hour. OUCH!

Would love to continue this discussion, but I already sense some of you dozing off. Maybe another post for another time (or an email discussion)...

MovieWatch

2006-03-23T10:24:00.000-06:00

Okay, I now have a favorite movie from my week of downtime - "Murderball", the documentary about quadriplegic rugby. Fantastic movie!!!

Oscar Watch

2006-03-21T10:26:00.000-06:00

From the "better-late-than-never" department:

I'm using some of my disposable, "sitting-in-the-hospital-room" time to catch up on some movies. And it's a relatively odd occurance, but there's actually a bunch of stuff a Blockbuster now that I'm interested in...

I started with some of the Oscar nominated stuff. So that I could intelligently cast my ballot for the awards given a few weeks ago... genius, right?

The first thing I saw was "Enron: The Smartest Guys In The Room", the MarkCuban/ToddWagner financed documentary about the fall of Enron. I thought it was well-done. It was exactly as billed - that by the end, your blood would be boiling and you'd be wishing bad things for Ken Lay, Jeff Skilling, and Andy Fastow. In hindsight now, I DID wonder if I had just watched a very one-sided account (a la "Farenheit 911"), but all the facts represented in the film did reinforce the need for independent auditors (who are often my nemisis professionally)...

The second thing I saw was "Walk The Line", the Johnny Cash movie. FrankenBuddy Laurie had recently seen it on a flight to London and recommended it. I've heard it compared frequently to "Ray", which I'd seen and liked a lot. I liked "Walk The Line" less than I liked "Ray", and I think I can trace several reasons why. One, FrankenBuddy Paul had already given me the "Ray" soundtrack in advance of me seeing the movie, and it was my favorite CD for a long time. So I think I like Ray Charles' music more-so than Johnny Cash. Two, I had the misfortune of watching "Walk The Line" in about five different fragments yesterday, between nurses and visitors. And three, in "Walk The Line", Johnny Cash seemed to be depicted as a brat (did anyone else get that?), where Johnny gets what Johnny wants and if not, pitches a fit. I'm not sure if this was just the movie portrayal or if this was really Johnny Cash, but it made me less sympathetic to the character. And last of all, I thought it had a skylab ending ("then, suddenly, a satellite fell from the sky, landing on and killing everyone. The End.")...

However, I did believe Reese Witherspoon was unbelievably charming as June Carter...

Next up on the movie docket: I've rented both "Murderball" and "Crash". And when I go back to Blockbuster, there's more I'm interested in, like "Hustle And Flow", because as some of us know and all of us learned from the Oscars, "it's hard out here to be a pimp"...

The Tuesday MomDate

2006-03-21T10:20:00.000-06:00

Things are looking up again. Which, when you're in the hospital, you're always hesitant to say since you're always just one minor episode away from returning to square one. But as of right now, things are looking good.

Today we're getting started on clear liquids again. We tried it Friday or so, and it didn't work out so good. But we're thinking our tummy is more ready for it this time, now having the stomach and the intestines on board with our effort.

DrJohnson this morning outlined the timetable like this: today (Tuesday) we'd try clear liquids, and if that goes okay, then tomorrow (Wednesday) we'd try some solid food. And if that goes okay, we may get to go home on Thursday.

So keep prayin and crossin your fingers!!!

iPod Fans

2006-03-21T10:15:00.000-06:00

I have a healthy appetite for gadgets, and I'm intrigued by new iPod rumors. From an article this morning -

"In a note to clients, Wu said he believes the company is readying a wide-screen video iPod with Bluetooth headphones that could be ready as early as the June quarter. The analyst said his checks indicate that Apple is working on such a product.

Rumors of a wide-screen video iPod have swirled since earlier this year when the Apple rumor site Think Secret reported that Apple was working on a new video iPod.

The new device reportedly has a screen that covers the entire face of the iPod and a "virtual click wheel" that appears only when a user touches the screen. The design resembled a patent that Apple recently filed for a tablet computer."

http://money.cnn.com/2006/03/21/technology/apple_ipod/index.htm?cnn=yes

The Monday MomDate

2006-03-20T10:44:00.000-06:00

Well, Monday morning brings us not much new.

We were a little sick at our stomach Saturday night/Sunday morning, so we're back off all foods and liquids. But we ARE up and around more, doing some walking. We still haven't got beyond the room, but we've been told that's coming soon.

The tummy thing is a little perplexing to the doctors, too. So we went for x-rays this morning about 7am, but no word on what the pictures look like yet...

From The Department Of Ambiguity

2006-03-19T10:56:00.000-06:00

Oh yeah, about Mom -

I suppose in Friday's post about us leaving behind Alaina and Erin, I forgot to mention: we didn't leave the hospital, just the ICU. We're now in a normal room upstairs. But as I suspected, the nurses are no Alaina and Erin...

Also, some of you have asked about sending cards or gifts to the hospital, which is nice. But we're hoping to not be here long enough for them to arrive. So Mom's idea was to have stuff sent to the house (if you need an address, email me).

Now, for the Mom update (which I believe I'm going to start abbreviating to "The Momdate") -
Today is Sunday, and it's about 11am. Mom has now had the catheter removed and has to get up out of bed every few hours to go to the bathroom, which is good excercise for her. The docs tried to start her on food yesterday, but about the middle of the night last night she couldn't keep it down anymore, so we're back off of food today. We had a bunch of visitors and wellwishers come by the room yesterday, and currently she's napping while I blog.

We don't have a target date for going home, but I suspect it'll be a day or two after we get back on normal food. I think today's big event is going to be a walk down the hall with a stroller.

Anyway, my plan is to stay here until we've been home from the hospital for a few days and I feel confident she can get around the house well enough to take care of herself. So, as of right now, the best case scenario I can envision is going back to Dallas on Thursday or Friday.

Will keep y'all updated! Thanks for the thoughts and prayers!

Disturbing

2006-03-19T10:44:00.000-06:00

I remember growing up in Arkansas and folks always talking about drivers "not from around here" being bad drivers. Having lived somewhere else now, I've now got a little more of a pool of experience to draw from.

And I have concluded that it wasn't the "not from around here" drivers that were the problem...

I have lots of traffic beefs with my fellow Arkansans, but my specific qualm is with parking lot ettiquette. Apparently, driver's ed here doesn't cover the "one-way parking isle". You know what I'm talking about?

Most parking lots are designed with spaces angled in such a manner that you can park on either side of the isle easily if you're traveling in the direction MANDATED BY THE ARROWS ON THE CONCRETE. However, this has escaped an alarming number of drivers here at the hospital. I have not been out in the parking lot yet over my six days here without encountering someone going the wrong way down one of the lanes...

Is this really that difficult to master?

I May Have A Problem

2006-03-19T10:36:00.000-06:00

Actually, the headline is an understatement. I may have MANY problems, which I'm sure we've already all come to grips with. Anyway, on to the issue of the day...

I think I have an addiction. I like magazines.

I don't really like books so much. Unless they have pictures and really short chapters on lots of different things. Like magazines.

Now, I imagine liking magazines isn't a problem in and of itself. However, I NEVER throw them away. So I have archives of magazines at home. Does this make me a packrat?

I don't imagine them ever having any monetary value, so that's not the reason I'm keeping them. I just always think there's an article I may want to reference later. Although, if you asked me to recall the contents of any article I'd read in a magazine (other than RunnersWorld) over the last 5 years, I probably couldn't come up with anything...

Am I alone in this? Or is there maybe some sort of support group I should be seeking out???

Better Late Than Never

2006-03-17T10:23:00.000-06:00

Well, it's Friday, and we're looking at leaving behind my cute nurses in the ICU today. Alaina and Erin, I suppose it was never meant to be...

Now, we're a little off course in recovery. Plan A was to spend Tuesday night in ICU and move to a normal room on Wednesday. But a little (or a lot) of internal bleeding Tuesday night and our slow response to healing has put us a little behind where we expected to be. Plan A also had us leaving the hospital on Friday (today) but we're actually just leaving the ICU today and looking at leaving the hospital on Monday or Tuesday.

Also, the pathology report came back today, and everything was "negative" (which sounds odd, but in this context, "negative" is GOOD). We're still gonna do chemo in a month or two just as a preventative measure, but it seems all malignancy was removed in surgery. Yaay Mom! Oh, and yaay DrJohnson, too!

All for now. I think Starbucks is ready for me to leave since I'm not actually buying anything. Meanwhile, Mom is getting her daily bath before the trek to the fifth floor in a little while. Now that I've found Starbucks, I may try to file another report later (this is WAY better than dial-up)...

Food Gone Wrong

2006-03-17T10:18:00.000-06:00

While on the way to the hospital on Thursday, I was listening to a little morning radio, and the hosts were describing a breafast cheeseburger...

- a quarter pound beef patty
- two slices of American cheese
- four strips of bacon

Pretty good, so far, right? What about the bread?

- all the above, sandwiched between two Krispy Kreme donuts

Eeew.

The Westin It Ain't...

2006-03-15T10:41:00.000-06:00

Are hospitals contractually obligated to have uncomfortable furniture?

UPDATE: Spent most of the night last night/this morning at the hospital. No sooner than I updated the blog last night, I got a phone call from the hospital asking me to come back. Apparently Mom could not stop bleeding internally. I told her to stop but she wouldn't, silly goose. So anyway, I went back to the hospital last night about 10:30, met the doctor there, signed some forms and then Mom was off to surgery again about 11:30.

It was in this 11:30-2:00 timeframe that I made my observation about hospital furniture. Apparently, they don't want you getting too comfortable and staying a while.

Anyway, the doctor closed her up again around 2:00 and came out to talk to me, letting me know that although they couldn't find a singular major source of bleeding, that she had at least stabilized again. I got to see her by about 2:45 and stayed with her till 4:15. Remember, these times are still "a.m."'s (boy, was THAT a punctuation nightmare to type). And about 4:15, Mom got some more pain medicine and decided to take a nap, so I went back out to my not-so-comfy pigmy couch in the waiting room and passed out until about 5:30, when the same geniuses that brought us uncomfortable couches also decided all lights in the metro area should come up about 5:30am.

Anyway, since then, I've come home and had a real nap in a real bed. I'll go back for the 1:00-1:30 visitation (she's in ICU, so the visitation times are limited). I missed the early visitation (8:30-9:00) by design so that Aunt Kathy could take Grandma to see her (SIDENOTE: Kathy claims Mom is pretty cranky this morning - something about no sleep, no food, lots of pain). Will meet some friends for lunch out near the hospital, go to visitation, then go for a run at a nearby gym.

And again friends, thanks for the support!

PS -Observation #2: There are a bunch of REALLY CUTE ICU nurses!!!

All About Cancer And Stuff

2006-03-14T21:49:00.000-06:00

Buenas noches, mis compadres! It's about ten-o'clock Tuesday night, and for those of you who know me well, you know that's about my normal bedtime (if not earlier). However, today is not your normal day in Hortonville.

Mom had surgery today. The goal when the day started was to have less cancer at the end of the day than when we started, and I think we did pretty good on that goal. The doctors removed a tumor about the size of an orange. Now, about that tumor, there was good news and bad news. The bad news was that among the five most common ovarian tumors, this one was the most aggressive variety. But the good news was really good news in that they did not detect that the tumor had spread elsewhere. We'll know more when the pathology report comes back on Friday or so. But for now, we're optimistic.

The doctors also removed some lymph nodes in close proximity to the cancerous (is "cancerous" a word?) and noted no swolen or abnormal nodules. Which, to clarify, is good. However, Mom's favorite part is that they also drained 5 liters of excess fluid from her abdomen, which was the whole reason she went to the doctor in the first place. She can now probably fit in all her clothes again. However, she does have a fairly large incision down her belly, so probably no two-piece swimsuits. So, in her honor, I too will not wear any two-piece swimsuits...

There WILL likely be six months of chemotherapy down the road, but that won't start for at least a month. In the interim time, Mom is supposed to lay around the house a lot and take naps and watch TV and not do anything too strenuous. Which is actually sounds a lot like my dream job, minus the surgery and cancer. Someone will have to mow the lawn, but I think that's what they make 14-year-old neighbor kids for...

Anyway, to all, thanks for your thoughts and prayers - they were much appreciated. I'll keep you posted as we hear more.

Rave Of The Day - 03.13.2006

2006-03-13T18:50:00.000-06:00

Hey there, music fans! The SuperFrankenBlog has a new favorite CD and wants you all to know about it and run out and get it -

Rhett Miller - "The Believer"

Rhett Miller is the frontman for Dallas' own Old97s, the pioneers of alt-country back in the mid-ninetees. Some refer to the genre more as folk-rock, but with the adjectives "alt", "country", "folk" and "rock", you can see it's a mixed bag...

Anyway, this is solo album #2 for Rhett, and it contains 3 former Old97s songs, including the perfect wedding proposal song, "Question", and the clever "Singular Girl" (which contains the lyric "Talking to you, girl, is like long-division").

But the new original stuff is excellent, too. The duet, "Fireflies", is amazing.

Now, who will like this album? I'd place it firmly in the adult contemporary category, alongside a Maroon 5. Note, I don't think Rhett sounds anything like Maroon 5, but I think the fan base will be similar. Rhett's a singer/songwriter and is comfortable strumming his acoustic guitar, so you'll get a lot of that on the album...

Go get it! Or ask me to burn a copy the next time you see me!

Blogging From The Rock

2006-03-12T19:59:00.000-06:00

Hey kids! Welcome back to my blog. Although y’all might have been here since the last time I was… I know, it’s fallen dormant for a few weeks. But now that I’m in LR with some extra time, maybe I can catch up on some posting…

First, quick details. For those of you I might have missed telling last week, I’m here for surgery this week. Not mine, but Mom’s. Doctors found a large tumor on one of her ovaries last week and scheduled surgery for TUESDAY at Baptist Hospital at 12:30. Based on preliminary testing, they believe the tumor to be malignant, so they’re going to also remove the nearby lymph nodes. But I think that’s okay – I’m a little sketchy on anatomy but I think you have a lot of lymph nodes in various locations (but I could be wrong on that, so don’t quote me).

Anyway, they’re going to make a large incision (and I have no idea what “large” is) and check out lots of stuff, so I’m guessing Mom is gonna be pretty sore for a while. We’re scheduled to be in the hospital from Tuesday to at least Friday.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, yours truly has been working on ASAP deadlines at work since the beginning of December, so sitting idly in a hospital room for four or more days may be the most polar opposite thing I could experience. But we could make this an interactive game…

Send in your thoughts or ideas for the “polar opposite” of working for on ASAP deadlines for a couple of months. I’d like to award prizes. But really, I got nothin.
All for now.

Did You Know?

2006-02-22T17:08:00.000-06:00

While enjoying some "away from work" time in Austin this past weekend with several lovely ladies, I became educated on a nifty little nugget to share.

Did you know in the food-server business, "Canadian" is code for "black people"?

I was told this by a girl who used to wait tables (which was then later verified by another independent third party). Seems the story goes that black folks aren't very good tippers (and who doesn't enjoy a good stereotype, really?), and waitstaff typically argue about who has to wait on the table of Canadians.

Funny? I thought so.

Does it make you wonder what "French" is code for?

Does Anyone Know?

2006-02-22T17:01:00.000-06:00

How much electricity does your average elevator ride consume? And don't tell me in terms of watts or kilowatts or any of that crap, because that's pretty much useless to me - if you want to tell me something meaningful, give me dollars and cents...

So here's my thing. I frequently approach the elevator bank in my office building around the same time as someone else. One of us pushes the UP button, and multiple sets of elevator doors open. Now, being that I'm anti-social and hate people, I typically opt for my own elevator instead of ride-sharing. Yet now, after reflection, I wonder if I'm accelerating the demise of our planet...

Thoughts?

By the way, I'm pretty sure all ride-sharers think I'm a jerkass anyway for taking the elevator to the second floor...

How To Stop People From Bugging You About Getting Married

2006-02-22T16:57:00.000-06:00

"Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, You're next. They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals."

The Timeless Art Of Seduction

2006-02-14T06:19:00.000-06:00

I find Valentine's Day to be a little ridiculous. And I think this captures my feelings on the absurdity of it all...

FrankenFacts

2006-02-09T18:44:00.000-06:00

Disturbing or not disturbing?

I went to the dry cleaners this morning to drop off dress shirts. When the girl counted them up, there were 20 of them there.

Do I have too many clothes? Far more than any guy should?

The Object Of My Affection

2006-02-08T19:32:00.000-06:00

I'm in love. Or at least in lust. Not with a girl (which would require me to pick just one and I just can't do that and additionally would require effort I'm not willing to expend at the moment - this could fill a whole 'nother column). But instead with a gadget.

I'm infatuated with a new cell phone. Not that there's anything wrong with my current one. But all I really use it for is the occasional phone call and for checking my Yahoo! email while I'm at work (because BigBrother firewalls us from any personal email accounts).

Enter SuperFrankenGadget (pictured below). It's a combination cellphone/PDA/pocket-computer. It has a slide-out keyboard, a touch screen, runs MSWord, runsMSExcel, runs MSOutlook, runs some stripped version of Internet Explorer, and has a USB cable to interface with your computer and a mini-SD memory card slot. And it makes phone calls. Oh, and it has Bluetooth, so I can talk on it using one of those cool StarTrek-looking earpieces.

Now, onto the heartbreak of my situation. Sprint advertises it for $399. Ouch. Imagine how long it would take you to talk yourself into spending that much for a phone. So I've been wrestling with it for a few months, and decided I might could do it. Well, I go to the Sprint store and the price shows $449 - a $50 bump. Tolerable, I guess. But then we get into the fine print. That's the price if you haven't upgraded your phone in the last two years. If you have, forget your instant rebate of $150 and increase the price to $600. I could buy another computer for that! But it wouldn't fit in my pocket.

So screw the Sprint store, right? If I'm going to pay $600 for a phone (which is still undecided and looking less likely), I'm going to go to BestBuy and get it "no interest, no payments" for six months right? And get some RewardZone bonus credit (which may also turn into a story here soon). Well, I arrive at BestBuy and find the non-rebate price to be $719.

Now, just to recap, my current phone works just fine..

My New Favorite Word

2006-02-08T19:29:00.000-06:00

I don't know if I heard this somewhere or if I invented it, but I have a new favorite word - "jerkass". It's a lot like "jackass" but carries the additional weight of calling someone a "jerk" in addition to calling them an "ass".

So feel free to introduce it into your everyday vernacular...

Looking Back On The Good Times...

2006-01-30T19:13:00.000-06:00

Well kids, it seems we've reached the end of January. And looking back, I've had two really great months at work this month...

And by that, I mean this. Tomorrow (1/31) is the end of the month, and if I work my normal scheduled day, I will officially have worked twice my normally scheduled load in January.

I only had one day I didn't work, and that was the day I was supposed to run the half-marathon at Disney but couldn't go because of work. Instead, since most of the TNT posse was in Orlando, I had to mind the shop back home with the normal Saturday workout...

But here's the good news - I was at home tonight (1/30) by 7pm (which is unbelievably surreal, but welcomed after a 1am night Sunday night). This may signal a temporary reprieve. It's kinda like the end of the first Lord Of The Rings movie, when you felt like they had come so far, yet it was only the end of an intermediate chapter, with still more to come...

Which now gives me time to blog again. And catch up on some emails. And meet friends I owe dinner and lunch dates to. And do laundry.

It's so weird... I'm home in time tonight to watch "24" and "Rollergirls" live and not on TiVo. Not sure I'd like that - would have to sit thru commercials...

More soon kids!

Cutest Thing I Saw On The Internet This Weekend

2006-01-23T14:15:00.000-06:00

Paul Scherer of VH1's "Best Week Ever" points out that there are few good roles out there for apes, yet King Kong has thrived everytime he's cast in something. So here's wondering what it would be like to give him a meaty role...

TV Watch

2006-01-22T09:31:00.000-06:00

DrSuperFrankenBlog was unfortunately tied up late at the lab AGAIN last night and therefore missed the Monster Truck show. He was on the verge of contracting with a correspondent to cover it for this space, but those plans also broke down.

In the meantime, after returning home from the lab late last night, DrSuperFrankenBlog started cleaning up the TiVo backlog. Thoughts -

1. SOON TO BE OUT OF THE SEASON PASS: "The Bachelor - Paris", "Beauty And The Geek", "Mythbusters" and "The Boondocks". All of which I would watch given an unlimited amount of time. But no one seems to want to give me an unlimited amount of time. "Bachelor" and "Beauty" especially have to go, since episodes build on one another...

2. REQUIRED WATCHING: "24", "Best Week Ever" and "Rollergirls". Subthoughts -
A. "Rollergirls" - Two words: Legalize Clownsmack. It makes me crazy that this was even an issue.
B. "Best Week Ever" - Without this, I would have never seen the trainwreck on the Golden Globes red carpet - having gay designer Isaac Mizrahi as celebrity interviewer, where he asked all female stars if they were wearing underwear under their dresses, asked Eva Longoria about her "south of the equator" grooming habits, and fondled Scarlett Johansson's ample cleavage. Are we SURE he's gay?
C. "24" - I love "24". Glad to see its return merited the second-story spot on BWE this week. I think the mailbag from ESPN's Bill Simmons captures many of my thoughts:

Q: I think I was actually more upset over the assassination of former President David Palmer on "24" last night than I would have been if our actual president would have been assassinated. It was like I lost a member of my own family. Maybe I'm just screwed up, but I don't think so. Here is my question: If you forced every registered voter in America to watch seasons 1-4 on DVD, and convinced Dennis Haysbert to legally change his name to David Palmer, don't you think he would win in a landslide in 2008? I have bounced this question off several people and Palmer has every vote so far, and most would have voted for him over Bush and Kerry.-- Ryan Desmond, Miami
SG: Obviously I'm with you. But while we're here, some readers were upset that I revealed the "24" plot twist in Wednesday's column because they hadn't watched the show yet. So here's my question ... how can you call yourself a "24" fan and not watch the season premiere of "24" right when it airs? Are you kidding me? Would you save the Super Bowl on TiVo and watch it later? What about Game 7 of the NBA Finals? When "24" came on the tube Sunday night, my baby daughter could have had a diaper covered in six pounds of poop and I would have waited until 10 o'clock to change her. I'm not apologizing for this one. You had three days to watch it -- unless you were trapped in a well or something, there's no excuse. That's like saying that I shouldn't have discussed the Bettis Fumble.
Q: In honor of Jack Bauer's triumphant return, I demand that we all start using the phase "Flank Two Position" as a part of our everyday language, of course meaning "in trouble" or "under duress." The uses are limitless. For example: "If 80-year-old GM Marv Levy decides to become 80-year-old GM/head coach Marv Levy, the Bills organization will be in Flank Two Position for the next five years. Or, "I just had my bachelor party in Vegas and blew my honeymoon money on a hooker that gave me the clap. Now my marriage plans are in Flank Two Position." Can you please help spread the word?-- Matt, Somerville, Mass.
SG: I can't ... I don't want to upset the 10 people who haven't watched "24" yet. Let's give them another six months to catch up. It's tough to carve 90 minutes out of a day to watch a recorded program. People are busy.

Amusement For The Retarded

2006-01-20T16:33:00.000-06:00

I'm a little confused on what "irony" is, but I believe this is it...

I ordered stamps thru the mail, but they didn't get here. Funny?

Anyone Wanna Get Drunk And Go To The Monster Truck Show???

2006-01-13T08:58:00.000-06:00

Okay, so Wednesday I'm doing the same thing I do every night for the past two months - working late. But at least I'm getting a good dose of KDGE to keep me company.

Now, I've seen promos for the DVD release of "Transporter 2" (thought I'm not quite sure when I saw these promos, since I thought I was at work all the time). Anyway, sounds like something I'd be interested in renting soon. Lots of car chases and explosions and fights.

Anyway, back to Wednesday night - I hear Ayo say "Transporter 2 on DVD for Caller Nine". So I call. And win. Woohoo, methinks.

Now, the funny part - what I missed thru selective hearing was the prize accompanying the DVD: two tickets to the USHRA Monster Jam. Yep, that's right. Monster Trucks. SATURDAY, SATURDAY, SATURDAY (the 21st). And they're pretty good seats - 4th row. I may even get some mud thrown on me.

I think it may be an understatement to say that in no time in my past has anyone ever accused me of being Monster Truck material. But it's just so out there, I'm intrigued...

Will file a report after the show if I can recruit a partner...

Pure Genius

2006-01-11T13:51:00.000-06:00

Okay, so by my estimation, 95% of all Americans now own iPods (my numbers might be off a little). As anyone who has tried to use one in their car may attest, the small iPod screen is not conducive to BOTH driving AND rocking out. Thus, a fantastic new product -

http://www.crutchfield.com/S-RqHTA8hy5FS/cgi-bin/ProdView.asp?g=227450&I=108DP1US

The large screen mounts to your dash to allow you to keep one eye on the road while browsing your iPod library. Kudos to the folks at HarmonKardon.

Now, I don't have one yet, but if anyone was trying to figure out the perfect gift...

I Have Issues

2006-01-10T14:40:00.000-06:00

Does anyone else struggle with this?

Frequently when I go to wash my hands, apparently I flail about in the water, and when I get done, I have water spots on my pants. So I return to work from the restroom looking as if I just pee'd on myself.

Am I the only one in dire need of additional adult supervision?

My New Invention

2006-01-10T13:33:00.000-06:00

"Diagnostication"

Since I was performing some diagnostics at work, I thought the process should have a name. Therefore, "diagnostication". I may copyright this, so if you'd like to start using it, better hurry up...

I'm also considering reducing "blog journalism" to "blogalism", if anyone wants to sponsor that one either...

"Friends" List Of Five

2006-01-07T21:59:00.000-06:00

#5 - Sarah Silverman: Funny and irreverent. Beneath the sweet exterior lies an incredible sense of humor. Once claimed the best time for anyone to conceive is "as a black teenager". Funny stuff.

#4 - Jodee Messina: I don't even like country music. But she's dang good lookin and has turned herself into a hardbody.

#3 - Tina Fey: Cerebral smartass. She's smart-sexy.

#2 - Rachael Harris: Frequent contributor to VH1 pop-culture shows ("Best Week Ever" and "I Love The 80s") is funny and hot.

#1 - Lacey Chabert: Who knew the little sister from "Party Of Five" would grow up to be SO smokin hot? Wow. And by wow, I mean, WOW...

Answering Viewer Mail

2006-01-06T11:24:00.000-06:00

PB from Russellville writes:
"Hey, where are the continual updates, the up to the minute news and the inciteful banter? Taking Christmas off? what sort of blogger are you?"

Additionally, JP from LittleRock writes:
"Apparently the Doctor is taking off Christmas, New Years Day and half of January.Hey Mike, from my understanding of these blog thingys, regular updates help. PS - I struggle with smelly butt."

You're both ass-clowns (no offense intended, which apparently is a disclaimer that cures all). Don't tug on the SuperFrankenBlog Monster's cape - he's been stuck in the lab too much and was forced to forego NewYear's plans for labwork and to forego a five-day Marathon vacation at Disney for the same.

If SuperFrankenBlog's Monster gets to leave the lab routinely for a few days before regular bedtime, you may again see regular posts. Till then, enjoy our greatest hits. And thanks for reading!

Mike's Rave Of The Day - 01.06.06

2006-01-06T10:58:00.000-06:00

Whilest doing time at work over the past eternity of a month, we've been tuned in to The Edge and heard several notable new acts. The SuperFrankenBlog Best New Artist Award goes to Dallas band Smile Smile for "Sad Song". Check it out.

www.myspace.com/smilesmilemusic

Honorable mention: Blue October for "Hate Me" (www.myspace.com/blueoctober) and Evans Blue for "Cold But I'm Still Here" (www.myspace.com/evansbluemusic).

Mike's Rave Of The Day - 12.23.05

2005-12-23T07:19:00.001-06:00

Rave Of The Day today is actually the newest peep to the FrankenBlog nation -

Little baby XavierW arrived earlier this week, and me and the other UA'ers are happy and excited for mom Elizabeth!

Congrats again! Will look foreward to Baby X posting soon!

Last Minute Gift Ideas

2005-12-23T07:19:00.000-06:00

Well, I guess nothing says Christmas like a Santa that toots...

I was hoping that instead I could find the Santa that blows bubbles out his butt, but it looks like that's one of this season's hard to find items...

http://www.prankplace.com/santa.htm?KBID=1020&sub="santa"

Scorched Earth

2005-12-20T07:53:00.000-06:00

Although I normally put stuff like this in the Rave Of The Day, this is a classic and deserves more elite status...

This is my favorite Scorched Earth of all time. Forget Jim Mora's "Playoffs" speech or the Allen Iverson "Practice?" speech. Mora preceded "Playoffs" with the coup de gras of meltdowns...

Most coaches are somewhat diplomatic after a loss. Not ex-Saints coach Jim Mora after a loss in 1996. Enjoy. I giggle every time I read it...

"We couldn't do diddly-poo offensively. We couldn't get a first down. We couldn't run the ball. We didn't try to run the ball. We couldn't complete a pass. We sucked. It was a horsesh*t performance in the second half. Horsesh*t. I'm totally embarrassed, and I'm totally ashamed. We got our ass kicked in the second half. It sucked. It stunk. Cause they just blocked better, were more tougher, more physical, coached better, did everything better. We couldn't do diddly poo. We sucked."

Fundraising Strategy

2005-12-19T12:50:00.000-06:00

Hey, does anybody else wonder -

WHY DO WE OWN ALASKA?

Wouldn't it make more sense to sell it to Canada (in American dollars, of course)?

It's really doing us no good. We refuse to drill for oil there (and I refuse to take a stance on that), so really, what's the point?

TTMMC - Taco Bueno drive-thru

2005-12-19T09:51:00.000-06:00

Welcome to the first installment of "Things That Make Me Crazy" (TTMMC).

First, let me note - today's issue is NOT something that's just happened once. It happens EVERY TIME.

I love Taco Bueno. Soon to come on the SuperFrankenBlog will be some food related rankings, and Taco Bueno should be considered a pre-season favorite. However, there's something about the drive-thru which makes me crazy.

I drive up, I place my order. They ask, "would you like hot sauce with that?".

Now, will the answer to this question affect my order? Is there a special protocol for "orders with hot sauce" and for "orders without hot sauce"? If not, how about saving that question for our face-to-face interaction.

Let me clarify two things. One, the hot sauce in question is just a side condiment. If you're having trouble visualizing, replace "Taco Bueno" with "McDonalds" and replace "hot sauce" with "ketchup". Two, I'm not anti-hot sauce. I'm just anti-stupid questions.

Anyway, I answer "No, no hot sauce", and then the speaker belts out my order total and I pull ahead to the window.

At the window, I hand my guy the money, and the first thing he asks is, "would you like hot sauce?".
Hmm, interesting - thought we have covered this already. Again I decline.

He hands me my order, I drive away. I get home, I open the bag - FOUR sides of hot sauce.

Why did we EVEN BOTHER with the questioning? Ugh.

Mike's Rave Of The Day - 12.18.05

2005-12-18T10:44:00.000-06:00

Today we salute something from the Bowling For Soup catalog. From the album, "A Hangover You Don't Deserve" comes a catchy little ode to a relationship breakup gone poorly. It's called "Two Seater", and, well... remember that Kelly Clarkson video where she trashed her ex-boyfriend's apartment?

Yeah, same thing, except the vandalism target is a car (that pre-song appeared to have both front seats AND back seats), not an apartment. The chorus -

I hope you like your Two Seater,
No radio,
Keymarks parallel to the pinstripes,
Windows broken, Your T-tops stolen,
Now it's one of a kind -
Thanks for the ride!!!

Now, the part that makes me giggle the most is a bridge late in the song. The music slows and we reach a sensitive, heartfelt passage. Possibly even apologetic and reconciliatory. It's so sweet...

Can you hear your radio?
I bet you can't hear your radio,
So you'll never know I wrote this song - for you,
Sorry that your tires are flat,
I know you really weren't expecting that,
I guess I got a little carried away.

The whole dang thing is genius. As is most Bowling For Soup. Check it out at your earliest possible convenience. I love the song so much, if you want to get it from iTunes, I'll reimburse you the $0.99 next time I see ya.

So today, we salute "Two Seater".

Mulletmania

2005-12-17T19:10:00.000-06:00

Okay, so we all make poor choices, right?

Mike's Rave Of The Day - 12.16.05

2005-12-16T20:27:00.000-06:00

Today we salute the ellipsis, that fantastic punctuation symbol that denotes a thought that just sort of drifts away. You'll notice it frequently in my posts, simply because I can't stay on topic due to my A.D.D.

I love ellipseees. Here's to you, Mister Ellipsis inventor dude. You rock.

In an ironic twist, I've gone this whole post without an ellipsis.

Oh, also...

2005-12-16T20:24:00.000-06:00

Hey, does anyone know how to get a blue ink stain off a white sweater?

And so it begins...

2005-12-16T18:30:00.000-06:00

Sweet lord almighty. I've been trying to blog for less than two hours now, and I'm unbelievably defeated by lack of technical knowledge. Someone please kill me.

My actual nemesis is not actually Blogger itself, but its bastard partner, Hello/Picasa. I've been trying in vein (or is it vain?) to upload a photo to Blogger via the Hello/Picasa conglomerate, yet no picture on the SuperFrankenBlog.

I may surrender and backdoor the whole thing by excluding Hello. Screw them. Politely, of course, because I may at some time figure things out and appreciate the service they offer.

Till next time (which may actually be soon)...